The Ottoman Lieutenant Movie Review

March 10, 2017 (updated March 10, 2017) Published by JMcNaughton

At the onset of World War I, it was a dangerous time to be in Europe. Even more dangerous was to be in Turkey, and greater still was the border between Turkey and Russia. The Ottoman rulers of knew that war was coming. The people in the wrong place at the wrong time were American medical staff at a volunteer hospital in Turkey.

Lillie Rowe (Hera Hilmar) is a young woman training to be a nurse. She comes from a very wealthy family, and since her older bother died, she is listless. She hears a plea from a young idealist doctor named Jude (Josh Hartnett) who needs funds for the far-off hospital. Lillie is strong-willed, and takes her brother’s truck and fills it with medical supplies to be shipped to Istanbul.

Lillie cannot trust anyone else to deliver the supplies, so she takes it there herself. In Turkey, there are wild bandits out on the border. So she gets a Turkish military man, Lieutenant Ismail Vitaly (Michiel Huisman) to escort her to the hospital. They are attacked and lose everything, and they barely escape with their lives. They make it to the hospital in one piece.

The hospital founder is Dr. Woodruff (Ben Kingsley) who is an older disillusioned grumpy man. His advice is to leave and go home. Lillie stays to tend to the sick, and her nurse training finally pays off. But there is too much tension in the air. The Turks are fighting with the Armenians, and the Muslims do not trust the Christians. The Great War will be on their doorstep soon.

Lillie ignores the puppy-dog longing from Dr. Jude, and she instead has an inner longing for the Lieutenant. They are different religions, and they follow different customs and both come from cultures. But the love between them is too great. It is not forbidden, but is not at all encouraged. They sneak away when they can to take a sailboat out on lake. Or they ride their horses through the wild wheat fields. It is so romantic and poetic that nothing could come between them. Nothing except War, of course…

This movie wants to be an ‘Epic’. It does come close, but there are some issues. The storyline is not all that believable. A young woman alone in the hinterlands of Turkey just before the Big War would have a nightmare experience. Instead, you are shown that she is having a grand old time, with love just around every corner. The American flag above a remote hospital in a hostile area would draw bombs and machine gun attacks, not the praise of the local military.

Michiel Huisman does a believable job as the Ottoman, but Hera Hilmar is a weak leading lady. Her occasional voice-over work during the move is flat and monotone. There is not much of a spark between the two of them as ‘star-crossed’ lovers. Josh Hartnett does a reasonable job, but looks like John Denver with round wire-rimmed glasses. Ben Kingsley classes up the movie, but he does not have enough of a part to make it soar like it should.

So if you want a real Ottoman Lieutenant, then take a trusted military officer to a home furniture store to find the right piece. Then you can put your feet up on the ottoman and watch “Lawrence of Arabia’ or ‘Gone with the Wind’. Any true War Epic will do…

Logan Movie Review

March 3, 2017 (updated April 3, 2017) Published by JMcNaughton

LOGAN MOVIE REVIEW BY JMCNAUGHTON

“Logan” proves out the old adage from the Bible: “Those who live by the adamantium blade will die by the adamantium blade”, or something like that. Logan being the X-Man called Wolverine who has been enhanced with the indestructible metal called adamantium; this movie shows the difficult end times of the former superhero. His strength and powers of regeneration are almost gone, and the years have not been kind.

In 2029, Logan (Hugh Jackman) is visibly aged. We is emotionally and mentally drained. All other ‘mutant’ being are thought to be long dead. But Logan is hiding a frail Prof. Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart), who is up into his nineties. Xavier’s mind is fading and starting to fail, and at times he seizes up and sends telepathic waves that will cause a state of paralysis. One other mutant exists, called Caliban, who helps tend to the disabled Xavier.

Logan meets a woman who begs him to take a young girl named Laura (Dafne Keen) to North Dakota. Logan is driving a limo in El Paso to make money, but the woman offers a large amount to protect the child. There are evil forces from a government-run research industry. The security team headed by Pierce (Boyd Holbrook) finds and kills the woman, and then comes for Logan and the girl.

Soon there is a wild fight at Logan’s Mexico hideout, but he escapes with Xavier and Laura. The girl is shown to be a super-powered Wolverine Junior, with the retractable blades and such. Her fighting skills are as sharp as her weapons. Logan finds out that the research company was raising many children in Mexico and they were turning them into miniature weaponized mutants. Pierce and his crew of bounty hunters, called Reavers, will stop at nothing to get them all.

Before you can ‘road trip’, the group are heading across country to get to a special ‘safe place’ that Laura read about in the X-Men comic books. Logan is mortified that any of his past exploits were put into a comic book. Prof X has another seizure and it causes a lot of grief for everyone around them. They barely escape, and they are running low on medicine for Prof X. Pierce and the head of the research place named Dr. Rice (Richard E. Grant) are closing in.

After stopping to help a farmer with some wild horses, Logan, Prof X and Laura are invited to take a break. But things do not work out well for anyone, and more death and mayhem occur. Logan and Laura get back out on the road to find the safe zone, where Laura hopes to find the other mutant offspring who escaped with her from the research facility. If she can make it there, they can all cross the border to Canada, eh!

But every time he fights and every bad guy killed by Logan keeps draining him of his powers to heal and rejuvenate. He is looking all the worse for wear, and the days have been rough. As Indiana Jones would say “It’s not the years, it’s the mileage”. Logan is feeling every little ache and pain that was inflicted on him for all those years/miles.

You may have heard that this is Hugh Jackman’s last performance as the Wolverine (or Logan). He has intended to make this final movie the most bad-ass swan song ever. He has made sure that the movie cuts to the core of Wolverine. It is brutal, violent and profane. The movie is rated R, and for very good reason. The language is very rough; the fighting is bloody and sometimes gory. It perfectly suits a character like Wolverine.

Jackman worked with director James Mangold to get everything just right. The theme resembles an old Western in which the heroes are being chased over the frontier hills and valleys. The tone of regret and despair falls over everyone. All the super powers are nearly gone, and days of a quick recovery turn into weeks of pain and agony. Will there be any redemption for Logan?

Hugh Jackman has taken this character over seventeen years of X-Men movies to this one as the final conclusion. His performance is distinct and precise, and evokes a great deal of inner pain and mental anguish. He plays it all to the letter, and does not hit any false notes. Patrick Stewart is also terrific as a mentally diminished Professor X. He is pained by the fact that is losing control of his mind. He lapses into a seizure and the world around him gets a taste of his telepathic skills gone very wrong.

Dafne Keen gives a masterful performance as a little girl who has been raised to be a brutal killing machine. She has a physical presence that can give you chills when you see her become angry. You know that something very, very bad is about to happen. But she can do that with her stance and the glare in her eyes. It is quite an impressive feat for this young actress. All the rest of cast are also well-cast in their roles, but main three are the ones that count.

Is this the end of X-Men, and the end of Wolverine? It is for Hugh Jackman, and he has done well by having a long phase of his career playing the super-hero. If you can stand the harsh language and the bloody violence, then you can see that Jackman has gone out on his own terms. He ends it with a brilliant performance surrounded by a talented cast.

Logan movie review by JMcNaughton

Get Out Movie Review

February 27, 2017 (updated February 27, 2017) Published by JMcNaughton

Jordan Peele is well known as a comedian and a funny guy, but now he gets to stretch out his inner Hitchcock with “Get Out”. This story is written and directed by Peele, and it is a far cry from his stand-up sketch routines.

The LEGO Batman Movie

February 10, 2017 (updated March 10, 2017) Published by JMcNaughton

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you LEGOs, then make a full length animated comedy movie that centers on an iconic DC Comics superhero. Yes, make “The LEGO Batman Movie”. This will cause great delight in young children and comic book nerds everywhere.

Based as a spin-off from the 2014 animated hit “The LEGO Movie”, this follow-up features the adventures of Batman (Will Arnett) who serves as the dark knight and the protector of Gotham City. When the city is threatened by a massive horde of villains led by the Joker (Zach Galifianakis), Batman saves the day. The commissioner retires, and his daughter Barbara Gordon (Rosario Dawson) takes over.

Batman is helped in his other identity as Bruce Wayne by his loyal butler Alfred (Ralph Fiennes). When Alfred tries to make Bruce/Batman be a little bit more caring and empathetic, he gets him to visit an orphanage. Bruce was once an orphan, too. Of course, being an orphan worth multi-millions is not the same as the ones that he visits.

Dick Grayson (Michael Cera) is an orphan who contacts Bruce and gets his OK to be adopted. Bruce was not paying attention when he said yes to Dick, but he decides that Batman needs a new partner. The Joker has been acting suspicious because he surrendered his whole crew to the new Commissioner Gordon. Joker does have some new tricks, but they involve getting even bigger baddies from a far-off prison.

Batman is obsessed with being a loner, a hero who does not need anyone for help. This new situation requires him to work with Dick, who now has a secret identity of Robin, and with Barbara Gordon, who creates a secret identity of Batgirl, and even butler Alfred, who, well, is still the butler, but he also dresses up in a costume. Batbutler?

The movie’s quick pacing of jokes and gags keeps you watching every part of the screen and listening to every word, and sometimes every background noise or musical cue. There are insider jokes about DC Comics, and pop culture reference that brings out laughs, snickers and guffaws. Even the basic first minutes of the movie, fading in from black, is done with a Batman voice-over that is totally on target. It is very funny and very true at the same time, and it will forever change how you see the very beginning of a movie.

Every voice actor in this movie is right up to speed with the comedy and pacing. But the best one is the self-centered, self-absorbed Batman, played by Will Arnett. His take on the Batman character in “The LEGO Movie” was outstanding. And here he takes it to even a greater place. It is enjoyable to hear him growl in his deep, self-important voice about how important Batman is to Gotham.

Ralph Fiennes has his usual great performance. Playing Alfred, he becomes a parental figure to Bruce Wayne/Batman, yet he is always ready to help out. Zach Galifianakis plays the Joker as a figure who needs to hate Batman as much as Batman needs to hate him. They both have a unique thing going on. Michael Cera is perfect as Grayson/Robin, all young and enthusiastic. And Rosario Dawson has a fun time playing Gordon/Batgirl, and she gives Batman a run for the money.

All in all, the movie could be called BAT-tastic. It is very well written in terms of jokes and comedy bits, and the story never lags. It will occasionally ramble here and there, but it stays on track. The visual scenes are chock-full of bright colors and incredible details, with many scenes a visual gag or a silent comedy bit. It is enjoyable to watch, and will all the small items that you want to catch, it would be just as fun on a second viewing.

Should you see this movie you will agree: it’s “The LEGO Batman” movie the World deserves, but also it is the one it needs right now!

Fifty Shades Darker

February 10, 2017 (updated February 10, 2017) Published by JMcNaughton

In the beginning, there was the “Twilight” series of novels. And thus was begotten the “Twilight” movies, and verily so, there was created “Twilight” fan fiction. And thus is was that “Twilight” fan fiction hath created a series of “Fifty Shades” novels, and from that loin was born the “Fifty Shades” movie series. And some people say that fine literature and art is dead…

“Fifty Shades of Grey” brought you the plain little virgin of Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) who meets high-powered and filthy rich Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). Their relationship was a bit troubled, to say the least. Grey is into sadistic bondage and domination, and he needed Steele as a willing partner, a submissive. But there was stupid contract negotiations getting in the way of the soft-core booty calls. Steele got disgusted and left Grey, so now on to “Fifty Shades Darker”.

Steele has a job at a place called Seattle Independent Press, where she works for Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson). Grey promptly buys up the SIP, with no thought of irony in the name. In fact, Grey spends so much time pursuing and attempting to win back Steele, it is amazing that his company can run at all. Jack Hyde and Grey do not see eye-to-eye, even though they both treat Steele basically like garbage. Jack makes an aggressive pass on Steele, and he soon is looking for a job.

Steele and Grey get back together, but she thinks that it must be at a mutual, common level – out of respect and love. Grey has been weird for so long that this might be difficult for him, so he gets Steele to draw lines on his chest with lipstick. What? Oh, yeah, he still has problems. There is a prior ‘sub’ from Grey’s past named Leila (Bella Heathcote). She was once submissive to Grey, but she left. But now she is unhinged and gunning for Steele.

Grace (Marcia Gay Harden) is Grey’s adoptive mother, and she feels that Steele has made a positive change. Elena (Kim Basinger) is Grey’s very early lover and got him into the freaky stuff. But now she owns a salon and they are business partners. Damn good thing that Grey Conglomerated United Holdings, Ltd can just about run itself! Grey is the wealthiest man who never seems to do any work.

So Steele moves in, and Grey and Steele get several kinky booty calls. Grey says he has changed and asks Steele to marry him. There is the Leila stalker situation, and the Jack Hyde is planning revenge situation, and the Grey flies a corporate helicopter and maybe it goes down in the forest event. Along with the costume ball shindig, and the tool around the Seattle bay in a huge yacht affair, and the Steele gets mad and walks around by herself for hours sequence.

Could this movie be any more boring and inconsequential? Doubt it. Are there any redeeming factors? Yes, the scenery is beautiful and locations look amazing and the production values are top notch. But there is no actual story to tell and no character development. It is more like 15 or 20 minutes of insipid dialog and waiting around for the next “make sexy times”. It is not possible to fault the actors for failing in the roles and having no chemistry. The story gives them nothing to work with.

However, there is no doubt that middle-aged women who loved the “Twilight” series are also gonna eat this up. It will make a yacht-load of money, but not like the previous movie. The rest of the people seeing this might think they are in for an exotic, romantic and erotic adventure. But more than likely they will feel as if they are the ones getting screwed…

Rings

February 3, 2017 Published by JMcNaughton

What started as a Japanese horror movie has become a franchise in the United States. First as “Ringu”, then the American remake, “The Ring”, with a sequel called “Ring 2”. They all feature he storyline of a person who watches a bizarre short movie clip, and then gets a phone call where they get the message ‘seven days’. For a week, that person who has seen the movie is haunted by creepy images until the last day, when the ghoul named Samara comes to get them…UNLESS you can get somebody else to watch a copy of your video, and the Ring cycle continues.

In this muddy story line, Julia (Matilda Lutz) sees her boyfriend Holt (Alex Roe) go off to college. There he takes a class with Professor Gabriel Brown (Johnny Galecki). Gabriel has an ongoing secret of seeing the Ring movie years ago. He has spent several years developing a little campus club of people who see the movie and then need to find someone else to take their place. Holt is talked into the cycle, and Julia visits the campus to find out what is going on. She meets Skye (Aimee Teegarden) but Skye needs somebody new to watch the video, because Samara is coming for her today.

It all goes wrong for Skye, but Julia thinks she can help Holt by watching his copy, thus taking the curse off of him. Holt and Gabriel find out that the video copy that Julia has seen is different. It has video embedded in the shorter video. So, is that “Ring-ception”? Anyway they chase down clues about where the body of Samara might be kept. It leads them to a small rural town call Sanctuary City.

They hunt all around and find out about mysterious things that happen 30 years ago. A young girl disappeared, there was a huge flood, and the priest in the main church gave up the building and now it is very rundown. There are strange visions that Julia has, and she meets an old caretaker for the graveyard. Burke (Vincent D’Onofrio) is now blind, but he has a very deep knowledge of what happened many years ago. Maybe he knows a little too much…

This franchise is starting to run on fumes at this point. The story is a head-scratcher, the dialog is laughable, and the character’s actions become idiotic. No Julia! You don’t have to open that locked door at the end of the hallway! No Julia! You don’t have to crawl into the tiny crypt at the graveyard! No Julia! You don’t have to watch that video that everyone has told you not to watch!

It was hard to get excited for any portrayal or role in this movie. All the actors seemed to the best they could with the odd dialog and the unbelievable plot actions. But I’m sure that Vincent D’Onofrio cried all the way to the bank to cash his check from being in this movie. Unfortunately, the ending screamed out loud: “Hey, we really want to do more sequels like this one!”

But in this case, perhaps it is best that the “Ring” is finally broken…

The Space Between Us

February 3, 2017 Published by JMcNaughton

The movie “The Space Between Us” seems to be on odd mash-up. It is about a boy who grew up on Mars, and gets a chance to visit Earth and fall in love. It takes parts from a science fiction movie, a young-adult romance, a story of person with a severe medical condition who wants to hit his bucket list, a cross-country journey film genre and puts it all together. Kind of a cross between “The Martian” and “The Fault in out Stars”, maybe call it: “The Fault in our Mars”…

Nathaniel Shepherd (Gary Oldman) is a billionaire who personally sponsors the NASA space program to live on Mars. The flight crew gets there, and on the way Astronaut Elliot discovers she is pregnant. She gives birth on Mars and promptly dies. Gardner Elliot (Asa Butterfield) is her son whose very existence is kept a total secret. But when he is 16, he finds a way to contact a high-school age girl named Tulsa (Britt Robertson). She has been in a series of unhappy foster homes, but she is resourceful and finds a way to have chat sessions with Gardner.

Kendra Wyndham (Carla Gugino) is a fellow Astronaut on Mars, Gardner ‘s mehtor and mother figure. But she knows that Gardner needs to get away. NASA Director Tom Chen (B. D. Wong) decides to bring Gardner and Kendra back to Earth. Gardner must undergo some physical training and special medical treatment to reinforce his undersized bones. Living with Mars gravity is tough, when you leave and go to Earth. He explains to Tulsa that he will go on a trip and vows to here that they will meet up soon.

Once on Earth, Gardner finds a way to conveniently escape the NASA medical facility and work his way to meet Tulsa. She is upset that he did not communicate for the past few months, but he says he was on a long trip. Nathaniel, Tom Chen and Kendra go after Gardner, with the help of the authorities. Tulsa sees that Gardner could be in trouble. She uses her near-criminal skills to keep ahead of the group chasing them. Gardner really wants to find his father, and he has a couple of clues.

They ‘borrow’ a biplane, a BMW and a truck to get far away. They travel to New Mexico, the Grand Canyon (lovely), Sedona (beautiful), and they finally end up at a beach house on the California coast. Gardner is expecting to find his dad, but he finds out something different. Tulsa has a solidly cynical view of the world, yet she starts to believe that there is something unusual about Gardner. The time that they spend together makes both of them happy. Yet, the past is not far behind, and the group finally discovers where Gardner and Tulsa are located.

So to break this movie down, I think it came about by somebody listing to the lyrics of Elton John’s song “Rocket Man”:

Mars ain’t the kind of place

To raise your kids

In fact, it’s cold as hell

And there’s no one there to raise them

If you did

And from that, this movie was born. Perhaps not on Mars, but the lyrics might explain it a bit more. So this movie was right for the intended audience: teenage girls. The acting was just OK, but Britt Robertson does a more convincing role. Asa Butterfield is very tall and lean and lanky, so he might have been born on Mars. The script was ham-fisted at times, and made some very clunky character transitions.

So if you want real sci-fi adventure, look elsewhere. If you want an honest young adult style romance, look elsewhere. If you want a somewhat jammed together version of both, “The Space Between Us” is your launching pad…

Gold

January 27, 2017 (updated February 4, 2017) Published by JMcNaughton

The pursuit of that bright shiny metal can drive a prospector to extremes. In “Gold”, the apparent major find in the Indonesian jungle sets off a frenzy in the lives of the people involved. That includes Kenny Wells (Matthew McConaughey) who owns a tiny mining company started by his grandfather in Reno. The company has hit upon hard times, and now the salesmen try to sell shares of dead mines that have no future. They all work out of a bar in Reno, since the office has been closed for a long time. Kenny has a girlfriend in a waitress named Kay (Bryce Dallas Howard). But Kenny still has big dreams about gold…

His dream leads him to Indonesia, where he meets Michael Acosta (Édgar Ramírez). Acosta is a geologist who once discovered the largest deposit of copper. Kenny thinks that Acosta can do the same thing for him and discover the world’s largest gold reserve. Acosta has also had a string of bad luck, but Kenny has so much enthusiasm that he convinces Acosta to try again.

After a few false starts, Acosta settles on a remote jungle location. Kenny has limited funds to support the exploration, but he presses on. The jungle takes a toll on Kenny, and he catches malaria and nearly dies. But when he is better, Acosta tells Kenny the good news. He has been successful in finding a large gold deposit.

The story moves back and forth between Indonesia and Reno, where Kenny has become a big shot in the mining industry. He reopens his company, and the investments are flowing in non-stop. There is a major New York hedge fund that is ready to find major investors. Barry Wolff (Corey Stoll) has Kenny and Kay come to New York where they live it up. Acosta stays at the mine delivering more good news all the time. The world’s largest mining company is ready to buy out Kenny and Acosta, but Kenny turns them down at the last minute. The gold bug has bitten him really bad…

The mining company was snubbed and wants to get even, so they convince Indonesian government to shut down the operation. That almost stops Kenny, until he finds a special partner who will get all back on track. So the operation keeps running, the bankers have been rejected. Kenny finds out that Kay was not impressed with Kenny’s new attitude. She leaves him, and he shrugs it off.

Kenny has an interview with an FBI visitor (Toby Kebbell) who explains that everything about the mining operation is not what it seems. Kenny and his company are brought down in a crashing failure. Acosta is nowhere to be found, and the authorities want answers. Kenny is left in the lurch…

Matthew McConaughey really transforms himself in the role of Kenny Wells. The ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ changes to become a middle-aged, balding, pot-bellied, chain-smoking drunkard with bad teeth. He owns the role, and makes Kenny’s personality shine like a super-nova. When Kenny meets up with Michael Acosta, he persuades the geologist with his pluck and luck. Édgar Ramírez also does a fine job as Acosta, the geologist who might have lead Kenny down the Golden Path. Bryce Dallas Howard also does what she can with her role, but the focus is really on Kenny and his obsession with gold.

Is “Gold” as good as the real thing? The story is very interesting, and it is told with a great deal of style and flair. The acting is fun to watch, especially McConaughey getting into the slovenly Kenny character. But the center is not focused in any one direction, and it does tend to wander. So it never reaches pure 24 Karat quality, but is sure is shiny.

The Founder

January 20, 2017 (updated January 20, 2017) Published by JMcNaughton

Fast Food. Dietitians hate it, society tolerates it, but most people just love to consume it. So when you get a movie about the origins of the most popular fast food restaurant in the world, you know people will eat it up. “The Founder” will be like a satisfying meal, and will fill you up more than two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, and pickles on a sesame seed bun.

“The Founder” is the tale of Ray Kroc (Michael Keaton) and how a milk-shake machine salesman turned into a fast food titan. Ray is downtrodden and getting along with minimal sales, until learns of two brothers who run a new-fangeled restaurant that carries their last name. The McDonald brothers Mac (John Carroll Lynch) and Dick (Nick Offerman) have started something new and different. Ray wants in on the ground floor.

The brothers very reluctantly agree to Ray setting up franchise McDonald’s restaurants around the country. They have a very tight contract with Ray, and make sure that the emphasis is on quality and speed of service. Ray does great, but he does not let his wife Ethel (Laura Dern) know that he mortgaged the house to get it done. The expanding number of restaurants is not paying Ray enough, due to the tight contract details. Ray meets Harry Sonneborn (B. J. Novak), who explains that Ray should own the land and then lease it to the franchise owner.

Soon Ray has created a new company to buy land and create franchise owners. The original McDonald brothers are furious that Ray has taken liberties with their concept and product. Ray meets the wife of a new franchise owner named Joan Smith (Linda Cardellini). Before too long, Ray Kroc has bought out the McDonald brothers, divorced Ethel, and married Joan. He had become an unequaled giant in the fast food business.

Michael Keaton does a stupendous job playing Ray Kroc. Here is a story of a man who created a monster-sized business, yet he sometimes was brash, rude and uncaring. He saw what he wanted and took it, regardless if that was a burger chain or someone else’s wife. Yet he thought deep down that everything he did was to make himself, and the country, better.

As the two McDonald brothers, Nick Offerman & John Carroll Lynch also are terrific. They seems to convey and deep sense of pride in what they have accomplished, and each of them always is looking out for the other. They are also stubborn and small-minded. So when the business began to really grow, they rebelled against Ray Kroc instead of working with him.

If there are any problems at all with the movie, it is the ‘side dishes’. Other than the three main characters, the other roles are ‘undercooked’. Laura Dern has not much to do, and Linda Cardellini comes into the picture way too late. B. J. Novak blends into the other minor characters, also, so it is hard to tell him apart.

“The Founder” can also be compared in a way to ‘The Social Network”. Both feature a strong leader who finds a unique concept, and then battles two brothers for the ability to take something brand new worldwide. McDonald’s, like Facebook, is an international brand that took a visionary leader to get it there.

xXx: Return of Xander Cage

January 20, 2017 (updated January 20, 2017) Published by JMcNaughton

Xander Cage? What, he was gone? Oh, in case you missed it, the first “xXx” movie was with Vin Diesel. But then a second was made, and his character was ‘declared dead’. The extreme athlete in the second was played by Ice Cube. But the ‘Triple X Project’ has lasted into three movies, so that is why Xander Cage is back.

The leader of the ‘Triple X Project’ is NSA Agent Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson). His plan is to continue to recruit extreme athletes into the Project, until a satellite falls from the sky and kills him. CIA bigwig Jane Marke (Toni Collette) is then after Xander Cage to make sure he wasn’t prematurely dead so he could help the government catch the bad guys. Xander will not work with the CIA/military crew and instead he has his own crew.

The bad guy group has a device called ‘Pandora’s Box’. You might think that device would deliver a steady stream of music fit to your unique tastes. But, no, it is merely a complicated McGuffin thing to chase around the globe. Xiang (Donnie Yen) and his crew stole the device, but it was only a prototype McGuffin. Xiang turns out to be a former Triple X recruit, so now he is a good guy. Many different things happen in many different locations, to show that this is movie that has many places that Xander can go.

There are a few other people in the cast, but it would not make a difference if I named them all. The main draw is Vin Diesel and his gruff voice and gigantic ‘guns’. Is there a story slapped in here somewhere? Sort of, but I could not really tell. Where there action sequences? Well, there were quite a quick edits on the screen and a lot of blurry motion. So I guess that could be taken as an action sequence. Was the dialog stiff and clunky? That is a resounding yes.

The people who will go see this movie will like anything that Vin Diesel does. Regardless of how fast or furious he is, or if Vin is full of ‘Groot’, that would not matter in the least. They want lots of fast cars, loud guns and dumb action as its highest level.

Perhaps Shakespeare said it best, being the famous movie critic that he is: “It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

Author: JMcNaughton