Parthenope Movie Review

Synopsis: Parthenope, born in the sea of Naples in 1950, searches for happiness over the long summers of her youth, falling in love with her home city and its many memorable characters. The monumental and deeply romantic story of a lifetime comes from Academy Award-winning filmmaker Paolo Sorrentino.

I wish “Parthenope” were romantic. I looked forward to it being memorable… but it’s wasn’t. Wait a second. I’ll be fair. It is memorable, just not in a good way. I thought I’d post the synopsis above for you in case you were considering watching this film based on what you read there, saw in the trailer, or in the poster, so that I could say this. Don’t use any of those as your gauge. Read some reviews.

“Parthenope” starts out rather strangely, stays that way, and doesn’t ever find a bar you can truly hold onto. It is aesthetically pleasing. A visual stunner, but it was weak and tedious outside of that. Director Paolo Sorrentino (The Hand of God) was desperate for his film to be something it just wasn’t capable of being. I’d say he had eyes on this being an art film of sorts. Had the script been better, I would have been able to suggest that you see it as an if there’s nothing else to do watch. But as it is, I can’t. If you would see a movie based only on the scenery of Napoli, where it’s shot, and on gorgeous cinematography, you could do worse. It’s worth watching for those things. It’s a real chore, otherwise.

I, as I should, give every movie I’m about to screen, no matter what I may have heard about it, a chance to prove the naysayers wrong. It is easier to do this by not reading or watching anything about the film ahead of time. I get a blank slate. I hope what I do here saves you the trouble of seeing something that, much like a bad meal, won’t agree with you. I’m here to say that with “Parthenope,” I found it to be Part Nope, or maybe all nope. It has been a long time since I’ve been this hard on a movie, but I cannot recommend you see this. For over two hours, you’re waiting for something to happen. How can something happen when there’s no plot? It’s a coming-of-age movie; nothing wrong with that, but you’re not even pulled in with an alluring subplot or moving characters. Parthenope, played by Celeste Dalla Porta, is so beautiful she’s loved by men everywhere and can’t escape what feels like inevitability from the start… incest. Her brother Raimondo’s (Daniele Rienzo) interest in her is somewhat uncomfortable.

There are overtones and flashes of seductiveness, romance, and then some carnality. Gary Oldman shows up, lending the film some credibility. He as good, as always. When you think there may finally be a point to your watching this, it slides back into unusual and you’re done. It’s all over the place, causing your mind to wander. Should you perhaps consider running to the concession stand and grabbing a soda? When you return, it’ll be the third act and perhaps on its way to improving. There’s always hope! There is some improvement in the second half, but overall “Parthenope” is pointless and little other than vacuous misogyny, which is sad. The female actors who play Parthenope at different ages will impress you. Perhaps it would have improved their resume if they had gotten involved in this as a short.