Artists In Agony: Hitmen At The Coda Teahouse Movie Review

“Artists In Agony: Hitmen At The Coda Teahouse” is crazy look at what might happen if you cross a movie like “John Wick” with a movie like “Spinal Tap”. It has a tongue firmly place in its cheek, since the goofy idea works so well that it has you in its cross-hairs.

The underground community of hitmen (and women) for hire gets a documentary film crew to record all the weird antics of the ‘Artists’. That is how the hired killers are known – as Artists concerned with creating Death as Art. There is not much of a budget, and not much in the way of ‘name’ actors. But it does not skimp on creativity and hard-R rated hi-jinx.

The small movie production company named ‘Body Count Media’ gets some hard drives of digital movies. They find that this footage documents a film crew that gets attached to several ‘Artists’. These Artists are professional killers-for-hire. And there are about four of them who claim to have killed a mysterious Artist named Rockstar (played by Frank Kitchin). Rockstar is legendary and so famous that he has annual fan conventions.

The company has hired an ex-CIA agent named Jonathan Sully (played by Chance Hand). He has watched all the footage, and he describes what events have occurred. About four years ago, there was an infamous shootout at an elite restaurant in LA, called the Coda Teahouse. All of the hitmen/hitwomen killed in the massacre had claimed to be the one who murdered Rockstar.

There is Frosty (played by Jason Frost), a well-known hitman. But he is also a new father, so it is sometime difficult to balance the dirty diapers with the job of killing someone. He is laid-back for the most part. But when is bothered on stake-outs, try not to disturb him and ask for donations for your favorite charity. You might wind up dead in his back seat.

Another hitwoman is Lucien Mercy (played by Ariadne Shaffer). She is the daughter of a now-deceased supreme hitman. Her father was killed by Rockstar, so you know she has motives. Her husband thinks Lucien is only acting as the set-up person for murder hires. But she never quite leaves behind her love for the ‘wet work’. She has a younger sister named Angel.

Angel Mercy (played by Melanee Nelson) was hired years ago to kill Rockstar. But she and her target wound up in an amorous relationship. Her sister, Lucien, never forgave her. After all it was their Dad that Rockstar killed. But in that case, Angel forgot about being a hitwoman as soon as she hit the sack with Rockstar.

Another hitman is named Red Rick (played by Pall McQueen). He is a deadly assasin with killer good looks. He has a girlfriend who one day finds out what Rick does for a living. She leaves her job at the little pet supply store (“Yo, Bitches!).  And she becomes a hitwoman. Her new identity is Lady Faith (played by Kate Huffman). She becomes bigger than Red Rick, with her own growing fan base.

As all of this is being explained on screen, CIA Agent Sully explains the background details. He soothes his parched throat with more and more bourbon as the story unfolds. Finally he explains that usual circumstances brought all of these hitmen and hitwoman together. All were at the Coda Teahouse that fateful night.

All had claimed, at one point, to have killed Rockstar. Is it any wonder that all these killers have itchy trigger fingers? All they wanted to do that night was scratch that itch!

“Artists In Agony: Hitmen At The Coda Teahouse” is a curious creation by a guy who has been around movie production for quite a while. Kenneth Lui has a lot of experience working on many top-notch Marvel movies, mostly in the Visual Effects area. But here, he has made no light-weight effort. It might not have a well-known cast, or a splashy budget. But the concept and the writing are superb.

Kenneth Lui has put a lot of effort to make this movie look and sound like the best of Quentin Tarntino mixed in with the “The Office’ or “Parks and Recreation”. The general idea of a camera crew being in the middle of a chaotic hit is hilarious. The actors are great to watch as they explain to the ‘camera’ what the best ammo to use would be for this upcoming hit.

“Artists In Agony: Hitmen At The Coda Teahouse” is an ‘independent’ effort, but in this the mockumentary about a hitman society makes the movie into a ‘fundependent’ success.

Available on Video on Demand starting July 21, 2023