Premarital Movie Review

“Premarital” is a harmless romp in looking at how a religious backdrop can be placed over some family antics. Think of it as — faith-based movie crossed with “Meet the Parents”. Part of the movie wants to be pure family entertainment, but the other part wants to be a wild and wacky adult comedy. Take your pick…

It is in a small-town church where the pastor Stewart Witaker (played by Jim O’Heir) lives with his large family. His wife is Patricia (played by Meredith Thomas) is getting ready for a daughter’s wedding. Almost All of their children live with them. Stewart is ‘Pastor Stew’, and has the nickname ‘P. Stew’…

Daughter Sophie (played by Kelley Jakle) is the one who lives far away. She is coming back with her finance, back from New York City. She will be getting married to Alan Rhodes (played by Mark Hapka), and they will be hitched by Pastor Stew (Sophie’s dad). They will stay at the Witaker’s house during that week. This is a crowded house!

Along with Mom and Dad at the Whitaker home live the older daughter, Grace (played by Abby Pierce). Stewart is not impressed that Grace is not very interested in the church. She is very cynical and doesn’t want to be pushed around.

Son Jared (played by Cameron Cowperthwaite) lives there with his Korean-born wife Mae (played by Cathy Shim). He is planning to become a pastor himself, so that pleases Pastor Stew.

There is a younger daughter named Leah (played by Isabella Muthiah) who is continually hanging out with her boyfriend Benji (played by Jack Welsons). The youngest son is named Clark (played by Igby Rigney). He is more interested in video games than the Bible.

But the big upcoming event is the visit from Sophie and Alan. Sophie lets him know that there are very specific rules that her father will hold them to.

They cannot stay in the same room at night. Alan cannot smoke anywhere near the house. Pastor Stew might get personal with Alan about his religious beliefs. In other words, get ready to be put through the wringer…

Pastor Stew finds out that Alan really has no belief in any Supreme Being. He barely recognizes the Supreme Court. The Pastor now sees that this week before the wedding is his time to make Alan ‘see the light’.

It is not as important that Sophie has pretty much pusher aside her faith background. Stewart, the loving father, has to allow the ‘P. Stew’ take the lead in this endeavor. As ‘P. Stew’ he can be more cunning and devious…

So, this turns into a contest for Pastor Stew — in that he needs to ‘convert’ Alan to make him believe. This goes against what Sophie and Alan want. P. Stew gets the rest of the family together and comes up with a ‘Master Plan’. They are all suppose to work together to force Alan into something he would not be comfortable with doing.

But lo and behold – the others in the Whitaker family are finding out some various skeletons in various closets. It turns out that there is a fellow pastor at a mega-church in the town. His name is Bruce (played by Steve Hanks), and he is also inserting himself into the family business. Pastor Stew is very upset that Bruce is always hanging around, and Patricia (Stewart’s wife) finds him very attractive.

There is another thing that is going on with daughter Leah. She is spending time getting close to her boyfriend, Benji. But it appears that Perhaps have gotten a bit TOO close together. This is something that also will cause tension in the family. This is especially true just before the wedding. But what will Leah do, and what will Benji decide to do — once he finds out Leah’s ‘condition’.

Most things come to a head at the wedding rehearsal. Stewart Witaker, who a bit over-weight and not in best of health, seems to have a medical incident during the rehersal. All sorts of family secrets start dancing out of the closet. The Pastor Stew winds up in the emergency room, and coaxes a commitment out of Alan. After all, Stew is there on his ‘death bed’, right?

But wait — was that just a ploy by ‘P. Stew’ to get Alan to declare his faith? What about that news of Patricia Witaker spending too much ‘quality time’ with Pastor Bruce? What exactly is going on with Leah, and also Benji? Is son Jared thinking about not becoming a Pastor? Will the marriage between Alan and Sophie come off without a hitch — so to speak?

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“Premarital” is a somewhat weak-sauce attempt at making a ‘spiritually-centered’ movie that deals with family issues. It is too broad to make it a true satire. And any jokes about creating a conservative Christian family are unfocused and mushy. The ‘Meet the Parents’ moments are forced and not that funny.

Jim O’Heir (Stewart Witaker) does pretty a good job, but the material written for his character is mediocre. Mark Hapka (plying Alan Rhodes) has a bit better role, especially when paired with Kelley Jakle (as Sophie). They seem to be a sweet and loving couple, ready to get hitched. Meredith Thomas (as wife Patricia) is given almost no character to play. She smokes, and she has affections for that rival pastor down the street.

There are so many tropes that are used as crutches; it is no wonder the pace of this movie is hobbled. There is the kind and loving pastor, who is not beyond using nasty tricks to ‘save the soul’ of his daughter’s fiancé.

There is the wife, stuck in a dead marriage, and she goes around to find love on the outside. There is the younger daughter who hormones and emotions turn her into a potential new mom. There is ‘big city Pastor’ ready to come in swoop down on the small church flock.

In many of the faith-based movies that get made, the stories and characters might not be too far removed from these ones in “Premarital”. But, for the most part, these other movies know what is expected.

Their audience is not expecting to have a fair amount of cursing and bad language. So, is the intended audience for this movie really the same people as who would go and see “Courageous” or “I could Only Imagine”? I am not too sure about that…

“Premarital” would like to think of itself as a ‘pure-as-the-driven-snow’ comedy about religion. But with a scattered amount of adult themes and bad words — maybe the audience will need some ‘protection’…